Guiding Light
by Muse-icfan756
Summary: Muse: Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy are really close - as in he's-in-her-head close. Sure, you could call her schizophrenic, but Kate doesn't care. Matt's there, and that's all that counts. Kate is AU, but Matt isn't. Thoughts are italicised, and Matt's are bolded.
1. Prologue

**I don't know whether anybody that's currently reading this (Hello? Anyone out there?) read it before, when I originally posted it, but this is a remake. I was really unhappy with the way I'd written the story up to that point, so I've been going through and editing it to something I much prefer. Hope you enjoy.**

"Goddamnit Kate!" I hear my husband yell from downstairs, and immediately my heart started beating twice as fast. "I can't believe you've done this again!"

I can hear footsteps. He pounds up the stairs, the sound echoing throughout the house like thunder clouds and I can feel my breath shaking. Anticipation floods me, adrenaline coursing through my veins as my body kicks in. I back away from the door, knowing that he'll catch me if I try to escape.

And then I remember, as I always do. There's no way out of here. I have to deal with this all the time, and I always will do. I can't jump out of the window, or I'll fall to my death. And even if that might be a more preferable option, I can still hope for the future, right?

A slight pain makes my arm twitch, and I glance down to see my nails digging into the skin of my forearm. I pull my hand away, shocked, and wonder at the little red crescents standing out from the pale skin.

_**Pushing us into self-destruction...**_

My husband is only seconds away from storming into the room, and I can hear the singing from somewhere. It's almost like a murmur, that's how soft it is, but he'll notice. He always notices. I scramble off the bed to find my CD-player, eager to turn it off before he gets here, only to push it open and find that there was nothing in it all along.

The music has disappeared now, and the sound of the bedroom door slamming open fills my mind, shattering my strength. I can feel the tears filling my eyes and he smirks at me.

"Pathetic. You could at least have an explanation for your behaviour," he spits as I cower in the corner of the room, holding my hands up defensively in front of my body.

"I'm s-sorry," I manage to stammer out and he rolls his dark eyes, pushing his hair out of his face before flexing his fingers.

"You're sorry, are you?" His voice mocks me; the high-pitched tone is not at all like my own, but I know he intends to mimic me. I simply stare at him, not wanting to provoke him with a retort. "If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it again! Haven't I warned you about this? Haven't I?"

He holds up the offending garment in his left hand and I cringe. The burn mark along the back of the crisp white shirt is so obvious that even a blind person could spot it, some of the fabric flaking away at the edges where it is at its worst.

"I should just tie you up with this rubbish and leave you here. That's what's best for the world. Nobody can find any use for you when you can't even iron my clothes without burning them." He tugs at the shirt and the edge rips away, the fabric fraying as the hem falls to the floor. He scowls at it and then turns himself back towards me. "Unless you did this on purpose." He squints at me, his face screwing up as his eyes scan my own face for any trace of betrayal. I can feel the hot tears sliding down my cheeks and soaking my shirt where they collect at my collar.

"I don't care how it happened, to be quite honest. I don't care whether you did it to spite me, or whether you were just being stupid, like every other ditzy blonde on this planet. You might be a looker but, by God, you're useless!" He flings the shirt to the side and I feel like he'd ripped me in two. This is going to be the worst one yet, I know it.

He crouches down beside me and roughly takes my jaw in his huge hand, forcing me to look into his eyes. A menacing chuckle escapes him.

"And only a few nights ago, you were more than willing to sleep with me," he murmurs. "Shocking."

The slap that follows takes me by surprise, and my face falls to the side as the sting on my cheek registers. My ears water further and I brace myself for the next, and the next, and the next.

My life is a permanent nightmare. I can't wake up and escape from this dream world; I can't run to anyone for help, because my claims would never be accepted. There is nothing I can do to help myself, because I am so dependent on Thom for my own survival. I wouldn't be able to make it without him, and that is why I remain here, in my own personal hell, waiting for my saviour.


	2. Black Holes and Revelations

When I woke up, I felt like my eyes had been glued together. Prising them open, I blinked several times to rid my eyes of the sleepy blur. I was staring at my room from an odd angle and the floor was hard beneath me. I could feel the cool wall pressing against my back and I winced as I tried to pick myself up. My whole body ached and, as I put weight on my arms and wrists, I fell straight back to the floor again with a loud thump.

Groaning to myself, I hauled myself over to the bed on the other side of the room. It was still made, and I wondered if Thom had even slept here overnight or whether he'd gone down to the bar like he sometimes did. I relaxed a little as soon as I hit the soft duvet and let my head sink into the pillow, my eyes sliding closed once more.

My alarm woke me up a couple of hours later, the shrill noise piercing my ears. I sat straight up, shocked, and immediately felt a cut reopen on my leg. The sting had grown worse over the past few hours and, as the sunlight streamed in through a cup in the curtains, I was able to assess the damage. There were a few bruises on my leg, and my torso was too sore for nothing to have occurred there. I thanked some higher power that I was still wearing the same clothes I'd been wearing before everything happened and turned to face the mirror.

As soon as I saw my reflection, my mouth fell open in shock and a million thoughts rushed through my mind. How had that happened? I didn't remember it at all. How would I ever cover this up? What would people say? How would I-

_**My God, that's a massive bruise you've got there!**_

I flinched, shrinking back like a rabbit caught in the headlights. The voice was familiar, but it wasn't one I was too used to. I whipped around, searching for the man hidden in my room, but found nobody. Confused, I called out,

"Hello? Anybody here?"

A giggle erupted from nowhere. Narrowing my eyes, I noticed that the sound was almost hollow in some way. How strange.

_**In here!**_

My eyes blew wide as I recognised the voice.

No. No way.

_**Yes way. Hello there!**_

From the darkest corners of my mind, a person crawled. Jet black hair topped a thin face, high cheekbones standing out shockingly in the dim light of what appeared to be my mind's eye. His own eyes sparkled at me from within their caverns and his lips were twisted in a cheeky smirk. Matthew Bellamy. I was lost for words for a few moments, my mind blank with shock.

_Is...I mean, uh, what is going on here?_

_**I've come to join you. I hope you don't mind.**_

_W-why? _

_**I dunno. You seemed kind of lonely, and I had nothing better to do.**_

_I..._

_**You're not much of a talker, are you? That's alright. I talk far too much for my own good.**_

_Matt, I don't understand. Why are you here? How are you here? _

_**I have no idea, Kate. I don't think I can leave, though.**_

_N-no! Don't worry about that! I don't...I don't want you to leave. _

He grinned at me, wringing his hands nervously.

_**That's good, then. I don't want to, uh, annoy you or anything but...**_

_No, no, you won't annoy me! Everything's fine here, honestly._

_**Okay, cool.**_

We were both silent for a few moments. I squeezed my eyes closed and ran a hand through my long hair, combing into position as I tried to collect all of my thoughts that weren't Matthew. He seemed to have control of himself; his words certainly weren't coming from anywhere within me, that's for sure. But I had no idea how this had happened. What was he doing in my head? Why me?

_**I think we'd say you're schizophrenic. After all, that is what they classify people with voice in their head as, is it not?**_

_Hold on, hold on, how did you know I was thinking that?_

_**Well, I seem to have taken up a permanent residence in your head. I can read most of your thoughts, actually.**_

Oh.

That was definitely not good. If Matthew could understand what I was thinking all of the time, all of my memories and feelings and experiences, this could lead to some pretty sticky situations. I didn't particularly want him knowing all about my private thoughts.

_**I'll try my best to keep to myself, if you want.**_

_Thank you. I-I feel a lot more comfortable with that. Thanks, Matt._

He smiled at me, the twisted front tooth poking out from the otherwise straight row. I sighed to myself, my lips turning up at the corners.

I hobbled over to my cupboard to pull out some new clothes for me to wear; what I was already dressed in was crinkled from sleep and had a few ambiguous spots of red dotted around. I couldn't risk anything in my job, so I selected a simple jumper and some jeans. As I began to pull my top off, however, I realised I had a bit of a dilemma.

_Uh, hey, Matt? Is there a chance you could...I mean, can you see everything from where you are?_

_**Yeah, I can see everything in your point of view. Why?**_

_Could you possibly cover your...eyes or whatever for a few minutes? I'm trying to get dressed and, uh-_

_**Oh! Right, yeah, of course!**_ He interrupted me hurriedly and then disappeared into the shadows. I wondered briefly where he'd gone, unsure if I could trust his judgment after he'd said he could read my thoughts.

I tugged on the clothes and invited Matt back out from wherever he was, brushing through my hair. The purple blotches on my face were worrying me, and the dark patch surrounding my eye would definitely be difficult to cover up.

_**Just take a sick day. I'm sure they won't mind.**_

_I can't take a sick day! I promised the kids I'd be here to finish the story with them today. It's part of my job not to let them down._

I worked in a primary school and was in charge of a group of six year olds. It was refreshing being away from home and surrounding myself with the children, their innocent minds unable to comprehend what was occurring within my household. Their curious questions were fairly easy to dodge, as they were constantly distracting by other stimuli. I threw myself into my work, sometimes so much that I became absorbed by the activities. I enjoyed myself at work because it was simple, and I found a comfort in the children that I couldn't find anywhere else. I'd always wanted to have my own child, but there was no way I would ever bring a baby into this place. I was fairly sure I would never have children.

_**Just cover it up with lots of make-up and then feed them some story about falling over and bumping your head. They'll take pity on you, which is an added bonus.**_

_We'll see._

By this point, I was in the bathroom dabbing foundation over my face. The marks along my jaw were easy to hide-after all, I had experience with this sort of incident-but I was struggling to sort out my eye. It hurt to apply the powder, my eye watering whenever I touched the sensitive skin, and the coverage merely gave it a mottled look.

"I'm going to have to be so careful about not rubbing this off by accident," I muttered to myself. I was surprised by the fact that I didn't seem too emotionally distressed by the incident, instead focusing on how much of an inconvenience it was. I knew that I would break down at some point, my inner strength almost as weak as Thom claimed it was, but I was proud of myself for holding up this far. As long as I concentrated on the children, I would hopefully be able to make it through the day safely.

_**Oh, Kate, I thought you might want to know: when you speak to me, you don't need to actually speak.**_

_What?_

_**Well, you've been talking out loud, but you can just talk to me in your head. If I need to talk to you during the day, you'll look absurd talking out loud to somebody that's not there.**_

I hadn't even realised I'd been talking aloud, and I felt heat gathering in my cheeks as I thought about the possibility. They would lock me up without second thoughts.

As I collected what I needed for work and stuffed it into a bag, I practised communicating with Matt in my head until I was ready to face the outside world with my extra tenant.

_**Oh, one more thing. **_He stopped me just before I opened the front door.

_Yes? _

There was an earnest look in his eyes, one that I didn't recognise, and it made me nervous. The piercing blue shot through me, not only reading my mind but my soul.

_**I'm sorry for what you're going through. And I promise, I will try to help you, however I can, every step of the way.**_


	3. Can't Take My Eyes Off You

The walk to the school was almost like that of every other day; I left the house, heading for the main road and wrapping my coat tighter around my torso to protect me from the chill winds. The cars rushed past in their hurry to get to work on time and, as I got closer to the school, I could see families already taking their children in for the morning session.

The only difference between today and the week before was that I had a companion.

_Do I need to start referring to myself as 'we' now?_

Matt chuckled.

_**Maybe that wouldn't be a good idea in public, but I wouldn't mind, I suppose.**_

I changed the song on my iPod that was plugged into my ears, gentle acoustic guitar starting in. Matt bobbed his head along, swaying slightly in time to the beat.

_**Who's this? I don't recognise it.**_

I felt a smirk form on my lips.

_Radiohead._

His scrunched his nose up immediately and froze on the spot, folding his arms and giving me a disappointed look. The song started to pick up tempo, almost in sync with his sudden change of heart.

_**Fuck Radiohead. All depressing and 'oooh, look at me, I'm Thom Yorke, aren't I so indie and cool?'**_

I narrowly avoided laughing at his outrage by biting down hard on my lip. It was still sore, and I winced, but it was a good enough distraction.

_Just because you're bitter about the comparisons doesn't mean you can deny that they're a good band._ I reasoned with him.

His face remained hard as stone and I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling that trying to put up with a grumpy Matt all day would take too much out of me. I switched the track to something more familiar, although his face betrayed confusion.

_**What's this now?**_ he asked me curiously.

_Guess._ I heard a deep sigh from within my head.

_**Not Radiohead again?**_

_Definitely not. Doesn't even sound like them, don't know what you're talking about._ I muffled my giggles with my hand, pretending to cough.

_**Erm...I...oh, hang on a second. Is this-I mean, that sounds like me!**_

_Congratulations. Most definitely not Radiohead, not even related, not even in the same genre or of the same planet._

I pulled my iPod out of my pocket and into my line of sight so Matt could see the title, 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You,' flash across the screen. He made a face as if to say, 'I would kick your butt if I were able to.'

_**Jesus, I don't even remember recording this one.**_

_You were probably high on mushrooms or something, knowing your history._

_**Oh, haha, very funny. I'll have you know that I had a great time on that tour.**_

_So did I._ I agreed with him, having made my own memories during that era of change.

_**Really?**_ _**Did you go? Which show did you go to?**_

_I was actually at the Zenith gig in France, the one you recorded for Hullabaloo. It was my first gig, so I had no idea what to expect, and then you guys came out with that and just... _

My words hung in the air as I tried to find an explanation for my emotions during that gig, but I could do nothing but describe the feel of my body. Heart thrumming in time with the bass, out of breath and legs aching from dancing, throat sore from singing along, eyes blown wide with excitement and shock.

_**You had a pretty good view, didn't you?**_

_Ye-yeah, I did._

_**I can see your memory of it. Don't worry about explaining.**_

_Right. Of course._

We had arrived at the school by this point, so I wound my headphones around the iPod and tucked it safely into my bag, pushing through the main office doors to sign in. Matt remained quiet in my head, for which I was grateful.

"Morning, Kate," the receptionist greeted me, a steaming mug of coffee cradled in her hands.

"Hey, Lynn, how are you this week?" I replied in kind.

"Pretty good, thanks. How about you? You all set for another week of this?"

"Yeah, full of energy after the weekend. Looking forward to seeing the kids again, even though I know I'll be tired out by the end of the day." We laughed together.

"Well, I wouldn't worry. It's only two weeks until half-term, and then we'll have a whole week off." She sipped her coffee and tipped her head back, exclaiming, "Ahh, paradise!" I forced a smile for her and waved as I made my way to my classroom, but I couldn't help feeling worried about the thought of being in a house alone with Thom for a week. It had happened many times before, of course, but he'd been growing worse in recent months.

_**Don't worry, Kate. I promise, I'll be there. We'll sort something out, okay? Everything will be just fine.**_

_I don't know whether I can believe you on that one. You might be a moral support, but there isn't much you can do against him._

_**Trust me, I will try my very best.**_

We entered my classroom with me wondering how this had happened and Matt humming along to the previous song, the soft sounds of his voice soothing me before the day began.


	4. Feeling Good

_You know what I mean, don't you know_

I hung up my coat on the peg on the back of the door and slipped into my usual seat behind my wooden desk, dumping my bag on the table. I rifled through the bag and pulled out my notebook, quickly scrawling down my notes for the day before the children came in. Being a schoolteacher was a tiring job, not exactly the best thing to help out with my current home situation, but the pay was good, and I enjoyed working with the kids. There were a couple of talkative ones in the class, and I got the general gist that most of them liked me, so it was all cool.

**Why are there fish all over the walls?** I smiled at him. Well, to myself.

_**We're studying 'The Rainbow Fish' at the moment. The children made the fish themselves. **_He nodded slowly. I'd heard in an interview once-and consequently almost died from fangirliness-that Matt enjoyed hanging out with Chris' kids, and I wondered if he was a family man. I caught myself quickly, wondering if he could read my thoughts. I figured that, if I didn't ask him a direct question, I was given a bit of privacy.

And that got me wondering if he was bored? He'd only been there for a few hours, as far as I knew, but aside from when I was talking to him, it was mostly silent. Did he ever wish there was someone else to talk to? _Shut up, you idiot, he's not even real_.

Oh. Great. Now I was talking to myself, too.

Matthew grinned at me and I wondered if he'd been snooping in on my 'inner conversation'. He began humming to himself as the children filed in and I greeted them as per usual.

When everybody was settled and I'd taken the register, they sat down on the carpet in front of my desk, thirty-something faces staring up at me with wide eyes as I pulled 'The Rainbow Fish' off of the shelf.

**You're going to read?**

_**Of course. I'm a teacher. We read.**_ It was a struggle not to open my mouth whilst I was 'saying' the words. Damn Matthew. Damn him.

I opened the book to the fifteenth page, where we had finished off last Friday, and began to read, showing the children the pictures of the rainbow fish with its sparkly scales once I'd finished the page. They _ooh_ed and _aah_ed as the light reflected off of the glitter. It reminded me of one of Matt's suits.

As I was reading, a familiar tune sounded in my head.

**Birds flying high you know how I feel**

Oh dear. Singing again.

**Sun in the sky you know how I feel**

It really was a beautiful voice. It echoed in my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut.

**Reeeeeeds drifting on by, you know how I feel**

**It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new liiiife for me**

**And I'm feeeeeeeeling good.**

**Fish in the sea you know how I feel. **I giggled and moved the book around so it looked like the fish were swimming.

**Rive-ahaha-r running free you know how I feel.**

**Blossom in the tre-eeee-eeees you know how I feel**

**It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new liiiiiife for me**

**And I'm feeling good**

"Miss," one of the kids asked, putting his hand up, "Why did you stop reading?"

Oh crap. I was going to lose my job.


End file.
